Posts tagged thoughts

11 Notes

Witch
My thoughts:
1. Buffy singing Macho Man makes me laugh hysterically, and also pause to wonder “why this song?” In a million different ways Buffy is way more “macho” than any man could ever be, though I am not a fan of the word.
2. That look of expectation and disappointment I mentioned before? It was back in full force when Buffy is talking to Joyce about how Amy’s relationship with her Mother is, practicing together daily (albeit we later find out all is not what it seems). The let down is visible, and again, stings to see.
3. A bit “monster of the week" we do see more of expectation of who Buffy should be versus who Buffy wants to be in her discussion with Giles about responsibilities of being the Slayer versus things like joining the Cheer team. Buffy fights for an ideal "normal" while Giles looks confused knowing he sees her as "special", and not seeming to realize that to Buffy, at this age, normal trumps special.
4. Of course the irony is Buffy’s idea of “normal”, in this case Cheer team, turns out to be where the monster (of this week) is. Buffy’s normal will be ever subverted, turning it to abnormal (kind of like life, except with supernatural beings - life’s “normal" is never normal).
5. Amy’s Mom casting a spell on her reflection and ending up in the trophy (that Amy’s Mom in Amy’s body said was “her Mom” to Buffy - the sentence reads confusing, but basically it is Amy’s Mom predicting her fate) reminded me of the biblical story of Lot’s wife, and how she looked back, after being warned not to, and turning into a pilar of salt. Lesson being that we need to not dwell on the past or else we may become stuck in it?

Witch

My thoughts:

1. Buffy singing Macho Man makes me laugh hysterically, and also pause to wonder “why this song?” In a million different ways Buffy is way more “macho” than any man could ever be, though I am not a fan of the word.

2. That look of expectation and disappointment I mentioned before? It was back in full force when Buffy is talking to Joyce about how Amy’s relationship with her Mother is, practicing together daily (albeit we later find out all is not what it seems). The let down is visible, and again, stings to see.

3. A bit “monster of the week" we do see more of expectation of who Buffy should be versus who Buffy wants to be in her discussion with Giles about responsibilities of being the Slayer versus things like joining the Cheer team. Buffy fights for an ideal "normal" while Giles looks confused knowing he sees her as "special", and not seeming to realize that to Buffy, at this age, normal trumps special.

4. Of course the irony is Buffy’s idea of “normal”, in this case Cheer team, turns out to be where the monster (of this week) is. Buffy’s normal will be ever subverted, turning it to abnormal (kind of like life, except with supernatural beings - life’s “normal" is never normal).

5. Amy’s Mom casting a spell on her reflection and ending up in the trophy (that Amy’s Mom in Amy’s body said was “her Mom” to Buffy - the sentence reads confusing, but basically it is Amy’s Mom predicting her fate) reminded me of the biblical story of Lot’s wife, and how she looked back, after being warned not to, and turning into a pilar of salt. Lesson being that we need to not dwell on the past or else we may become stuck in it?

4 Notes

Welcome to the Hellmouth Pt. 1 & 2
The re-watch began this past Sunday when we aired both parts of the “pilot”. I remember watching it when it first aired, and a few subsequent times. Beyond the initial “look how young they are” comments, the following are my random thoughts:
1. I always end up wishing Jesse had stuck around longer as a character, but this could be due to my long-standing crush on Eric Balfour.
2. Darla is a scene stealer. Also, I love that the first scene with her in it turns the “horror stereotype" of the blonde girl in peril on its head and has the blonde girl be the trickster and deviant. From first blush you know this show will buck convention and tell a much different story. 
3. Buffy is part of that defying and subverting expectation, the ultimate horror blonde girl victim being the avenger, the slayer, our flawed hero.
4. Xander has the best dialogue. 
5. Giles excitement over all things supernatural, even when worried, is in full force here. The shadows that follow haven’t overtaken him yet.
6. Buffy has so much sad in her, even from the start. I felt an overwhelming “School is a battlefield for your heart” (My So-Called Life quote) feeling, except it seems for Buffy life is just that. 
7. I love 90’s fashion, I do, but honestly Buffy looks like she is channeling a middle-aged Mom of that era in most of the scenes. 
8. Those looks of hope and immediate disappointment in Buffy always sting, whether it be the meeting with the principal, between her and Joyce, her initial moments with Giles, even in her moments in first meeting Angel. The disappointment is quickly masked by strength, forced bravado and resignation, but the glimmer and fade, no matter how brief, is painful to watch.
9. I love the first glimpses of friendship between Buffy and Willow. 
10. I forgot we meet (sort of) Harmony this early.
11. The delete key as “deliver” still makes me laugh - a lot.

Welcome to the Hellmouth Pt. 1 & 2

The re-watch began this past Sunday when we aired both parts of the “pilot”. I remember watching it when it first aired, and a few subsequent times. Beyond the initial “look how young they are” comments, the following are my random thoughts:

1. I always end up wishing Jesse had stuck around longer as a character, but this could be due to my long-standing crush on Eric Balfour.

2. Darla is a scene stealer. Also, I love that the first scene with her in it turns the “horror stereotype" of the blonde girl in peril on its head and has the blonde girl be the trickster and deviant. From first blush you know this show will buck convention and tell a much different story. 

3. Buffy is part of that defying and subverting expectation, the ultimate horror blonde girl victim being the avenger, the slayer, our flawed hero.

4. Xander has the best dialogue. 

5. Giles excitement over all things supernatural, even when worried, is in full force here. The shadows that follow haven’t overtaken him yet.

6. Buffy has so much sad in her, even from the start. I felt an overwhelming “School is a battlefield for your heart” (My So-Called Life quote) feeling, except it seems for Buffy life is just that. 

7. I love 90’s fashion, I do, but honestly Buffy looks like she is channeling a middle-aged Mom of that era in most of the scenes. 

8. Those looks of hope and immediate disappointment in Buffy always sting, whether it be the meeting with the principal, between her and Joyce, her initial moments with Giles, even in her moments in first meeting Angel. The disappointment is quickly masked by strength, forced bravado and resignation, but the glimmer and fade, no matter how brief, is painful to watch.

9. I love the first glimpses of friendship between Buffy and Willow. 

10. I forgot we meet (sort of) Harmony this early.

11. The delete key as “deliver” still makes me laugh - a lot.

189 Notes

2 Notes

A few thoughts…

* I miss 90’s indie films.

* I think I have two many personal tumblrs. I’d originally wanted to do something separate with tv, books, music and film, but now it all feels too fragmented. I think I want it all just here. This may mean that I post way too much, but I think I need to simplify some things in my life.

* Tomorrow is my last day at my job. I am being laid off, and I think I have now gone through all the emotions and stages of loss. I’m not just relieved and looking forward to the next chapter of my life.

137914 Notes

nearfantastica:

feminishblog:

watch to the end.

21 Notes

“I brake for birds. I rock a lot of polka dots. I have touched glitter in the last 24 hours. I spend my entire day talking to children. And I find it fundamentally strange that you’re not a dessert person. That’s just weird, and it freaks me out. And I’m sorry I don’t talk like Murphy Brown And I hate your pantsuit. I wish it had ribbons on it or something to make it just slightly cuter. And that doesn’t mean I’m not smart and tough and strong.” Jess, The New Girl
I come from a long line of strong women. Women who bucked at what was socially acceptable, women who survived heartache, and women who did things that they were told they could not do.
They were/are also women who were their own people, who had their own personalities and style and sense of self.
These are the women who helped make me the woman I am today. A woman who likes to think of herself as a feminist (even though I loathe labels/titles), and who also considers herself a human. I am raising two daughters, and one of the things I try to teach them is to accept others for who they are and to not tear others down for the way they look/dress/live/love/etc.
I think that is why I get so angry when I witness some of the ugliness that comes to play, online and offline, under the guise of feminism. Most of it is women on women/girl on girl hate, and all it reminds me of is junior high and the mean girls who treated me horribly (and then in a next generation treated my oldest daughter horribly).
The New Girl is a TV show starring Zooey Deschanel as the title character, Jess. Yes, I know that Zooey has been an internet “darling” for quite some time. The reigning queen of quirky and indie, and well-loved (or at least well-reblogged) around tumblr. I’ve always enjoyed Zooey’s performances, and her work with M. Ward, in the band She & Him. Of course, I’ve always loved quirky, and my oldest, like-a-sister friend, and Zooey, could easily share a closet of clothes (said friend, another tough woman in my life, survivor of an abusive marriage, single Mom of three, etc.) I have watched The New Girl, and find it one of the funniest shows currently on TV. I also find Jess to be a portrayal of a genuine person who seems strong in who they are, and persists in being themselves - something I find admirable, and hope my daughters are growing up to be, as well.
I think that is why I am upset by the copious amounts of ugliness I have been seeing online and offline about  The New Girl and the character of Jess. I have read that Jess is a bad role model to feminist girls, that the girly-quirky-naive persona of Jess feeds into male fantasy stereotypes and perpetuates women as weak and stupid. Thing is, I do not see this in the character of Jess at all, or at least no more than any of us are sometimes weak or stupid, or some kind of “stereotype”.
As far as Jess being a role model? Well, I guess I want my girls to find role models wherever they find them. I’d say that I do not want them sought after on television, but that would be terribly hypocritical of me since Lorelai (Gilmore Girls) and Buffy are both role models to me to some regard, as was Wonder Woman and Nancy Drew growing up. That said, I don’t think the character of Jess (or Zooey Deschanel, for that matter) is meant to speak as all women, or as any spokeswoman to any/all female generations. Though, I do think the fact that she seems unwavering in being herself, even if others poke fun at her and criticize her is worthy to take note of, and applaud.
What I honestly think should not be happening is that creator of the show, Liz Meriweather should have to be apologizing and changing the tonality of the show to make it more acceptable to those who deem it anti-feminist.
When asked on the subject, Zooey Deschanel’s response (from EW Weekly) was:
Besides, Deschanel doesn’t want to engage in what she views as a self-destructive fight waged by women against women. For her, this is just sexism disguised as a war on girliness. ”I’ve examined and reexamined myself,” she says, curling up in her trailer near a giant butterfly balloon. ”And I really don’t feel that liking to wear dresses is a problem for the feminist world.”
Maybe my idea of feminism, of being a woman and a human being, of being yourself is not of the current model of acceptability, but it is how I view my definitions of feminism, and myself as a woman. I persist in being the woman I am, and sometimes I am naive, sometimes I wear dresses, sometimes I fall in love and get married, sometimes I cry, sometimes I feel week, and sometimes I fight battles that I am told I cannot win.
I know this is a bit of a ramble, and may not flow well, as I do not have time to rewrite/edit/take the time I should with this - but I wanted to write something, to say something, because this has been really bothering me.
I’d love feedback, which does not have to agree with me, honestly, I would just love to hear/read what others feel about this and also know if anyone else is bothered by this.

I brake for birds. I rock a lot of polka dots. I have touched glitter in the last 24 hours. I spend my entire day talking to children. And I find it fundamentally strange that you’re not a dessert person. That’s just weird, and it freaks me out. And I’m sorry I don’t talk like Murphy Brown And I hate your pantsuit. I wish it had ribbons on it or something to make it just slightly cuter. And that doesn’t mean I’m not smart and tough and strong.” Jess, The New Girl

I come from a long line of strong women. Women who bucked at what was socially acceptable, women who survived heartache, and women who did things that they were told they could not do.

They were/are also women who were their own people, who had their own personalities and style and sense of self.

These are the women who helped make me the woman I am today. A woman who likes to think of herself as a feminist (even though I loathe labels/titles), and who also considers herself a human. I am raising two daughters, and one of the things I try to teach them is to accept others for who they are and to not tear others down for the way they look/dress/live/love/etc.

I think that is why I get so angry when I witness some of the ugliness that comes to play, online and offline, under the guise of feminism. Most of it is women on women/girl on girl hate, and all it reminds me of is junior high and the mean girls who treated me horribly (and then in a next generation treated my oldest daughter horribly).

The New Girl is a TV show starring Zooey Deschanel as the title character, Jess. Yes, I know that Zooey has been an internet “darling” for quite some time. The reigning queen of quirky and indie, and well-loved (or at least well-reblogged) around tumblr. I’ve always enjoyed Zooey’s performances, and her work with M. Ward, in the band She & Him. Of course, I’ve always loved quirky, and my oldest, like-a-sister friend, and Zooey, could easily share a closet of clothes (said friend, another tough woman in my life, survivor of an abusive marriage, single Mom of three, etc.) I have watched The New Girl, and find it one of the funniest shows currently on TV. I also find Jess to be a portrayal of a genuine person who seems strong in who they are, and persists in being themselves - something I find admirable, and hope my daughters are growing up to be, as well.

I think that is why I am upset by the copious amounts of ugliness I have been seeing online and offline about  The New Girl and the character of Jess. I have read that Jess is a bad role model to feminist girls, that the girly-quirky-naive persona of Jess feeds into male fantasy stereotypes and perpetuates women as weak and stupid. Thing is, I do not see this in the character of Jess at all, or at least no more than any of us are sometimes weak or stupid, or some kind of “stereotype”.

As far as Jess being a role model? Well, I guess I want my girls to find role models wherever they find them. I’d say that I do not want them sought after on television, but that would be terribly hypocritical of me since Lorelai (Gilmore Girls) and Buffy are both role models to me to some regard, as was Wonder Woman and Nancy Drew growing up. That said, I don’t think the character of Jess (or Zooey Deschanel, for that matter) is meant to speak as all women, or as any spokeswoman to any/all female generations. Though, I do think the fact that she seems unwavering in being herself, even if others poke fun at her and criticize her is worthy to take note of, and applaud.

What I honestly think should not be happening is that creator of the show, Liz Meriweather should have to be apologizing and changing the tonality of the show to make it more acceptable to those who deem it anti-feminist.

When asked on the subject, Zooey Deschanel’s response (from EW Weekly) was:

Besides, Deschanel doesn’t want to engage in what she views as a self-destructive fight waged by women against women. For her, this is just sexism disguised as a war on girliness. ”I’ve examined and reexamined myself,” she says, curling up in her trailer near a giant butterfly balloon. ”And I really don’t feel that liking to wear dresses is a problem for the feminist world.”

Maybe my idea of feminism, of being a woman and a human being, of being yourself is not of the current model of acceptability, but it is how I view my definitions of feminism, and myself as a woman. I persist in being the woman I am, and sometimes I am naive, sometimes I wear dresses, sometimes I fall in love and get married, sometimes I cry, sometimes I feel week, and sometimes I fight battles that I am told I cannot win.

I know this is a bit of a ramble, and may not flow well, as I do not have time to rewrite/edit/take the time I should with this - but I wanted to write something, to say something, because this has been really bothering me.

I’d love feedback, which does not have to agree with me, honestly, I would just love to hear/read what others feel about this and also know if anyone else is bothered by this.

30 Notes

northerndownpour:

finally giving her album a full, fair listen. not ashamed to say i’m liking it. i don’t care what that means about me.

I was loving her album before all the SNL fuss. I am so tired of all the judgement and criticism. She is not the first person to have issues with performing live. And the criticisms surrounding her demeanor, her “weirdness" and awkwardness upset me more than I can say. Maybe she was marketed too much pre-album, maybe she did not live up to the hype, maybe she’s awkward, and maybe she does not perform well live - I don’t know. What I do know is that I love her album, and many of her songs get to me in that way that have me listening to them often, and slipping them into playlists and mixes.
Just my two cents, and yeah, I don’t know what that says about me, but I think I don’t care.

northerndownpour:

finally giving her album a full, fair listen. not ashamed to say i’m liking it. i don’t care what that means about me.

I was loving her album before all the SNL fuss. I am so tired of all the judgement and criticism. She is not the first person to have issues with performing live. And the criticisms surrounding her demeanor, her “weirdness" and awkwardness upset me more than I can say. Maybe she was marketed too much pre-album, maybe she did not live up to the hype, maybe she’s awkward, and maybe she does not perform well live - I don’t know. What I do know is that I love her album, and many of her songs get to me in that way that have me listening to them often, and slipping them into playlists and mixes.

Just my two cents, and yeah, I don’t know what that says about me, but I think I don’t care.

6 Notes

thoughts (offline and online)

I took some time off while I was on a stay-cation from all things internet and work-related. One of my best friends came to visit, I finished a book I’ve been trying to read for most of the year, slept in, tried a new recipe, had some amazing conversations, explored my neighborhood, and saw some live comedy-type shows. I talked to people and I took things in.

(I did have to pay bills and work a bit, unfortunately, but besides that I tried to stay off-line, so to speak)

The after effect of it is I feel refreshed and more relaxed from it, and my thoughts feel clearer. I think I need to take a lesson from my time-off and remember to disconnect more.

So much of life seems to be behind a screen - be it a laptop, a computer, a cell-phone. We report on what we are doing while we are doing it, but are we actually engaged in doing these things at all? Are we creating the image of a life digitally and not really living it? Do we remember how to make real conversations and connections with people?

Sometimes I think it is all just getting worse. That technology is killing our ability to socially interract in a genuine way. Though social media and technology has made our world feel smaller, I think it has started to make it all more fragmented, as well. I feel like we are all retreating and withdrawing from life everytime we connect via our versions of social media/digital interractions.

After awhile, too, trying to connect off-line starts to feel so exhausting. It is hard to keep trying to initiate conversation and connection. I tend to have become a person people rely on for either being the calming force in chaos, and/or being the one to initiate conversation and pull people out of themselves. I’m proud of being those things, and I know I’ve worked hard to hone those skills, but at the same time I often feel bled dry from it all. Sometimes I long for someone to be a calming force to me, and sometimes I want someone else to pull me out from myself.

And, sometimes I just want to block everyone’s digital devices for a few hours and try to connect with each other. It will all still be there and maybe we will get to know each other a wee bit more. Though, honestly, I am beginning to doubt that this will ever happen.

14 Notes

lyrique discorde: Things I don't understand...

volatiletimes:

lyriquediscorde:

1) The Charlie Sheen fascination. Perhaps I’ve dealt with addiction in people in my life in the past far too much to find anything entertaining about this, but it just seems awful to me and I don’t want to see anymore. It is everywhere and it is getting to the point of either glorifying or mocking…

the charlie sheen thing is nothing more than slowing down and gawking at a car wreck. that’s what that is. people are morbidly fascinated by watching others unravel, and it’s comforting because it isn’t happening to them so they can watch a REAL person go down in flames because as a celebrity it’s so removed from their safe little bubble of existence that they’re allowed to laugh at it and use it as morbid entertainment. why do shows like celebrity rehab exist except for this same reason? it makes me a little sick, honestly. it’s the ugliest aspect of our culture, that need to gain amusement from someone else’s dysfunction or misery. it makes me feel like we haven’t really evolved from a society that used to watch hangings and executions for fun. 

Schadenfreude, the taking joy out of other people’s misery, is definitely an integral part of our society, and our entertainment choices. Most reality shows thrive off of it. I just think this recent Sheen fascination and overwhelming takeover of all media has done me in with all of it. It really isn’t all that different than a public execution and it saddens me about the human condition, it really does.

1 Notes

Stop apologizing

From: http://thisrecording.com/today/2011/2/22/in-which-we-teach-you-how-to-be-a-woman-in-any-boys-club.html

Drive It Like You Stole It: Be the best. That is, assuming that you are the best. Be the best you can possibly be, whatever that means to you. Absolutely do not step down in order to not threaten people. Don’t apologize. If you genuinely fucked up fine, you are allowed to apologize once but then stop apologizing. Think about how much you hear women apologizing for themselves for no reason, or being self-deprecating or self-abnegating out of habit. What the fuck are you apologizing for? For being too good?

***

One of my worst traits is being an over-apologizer. I know, I know, we are taught that saying “I’m sorry" is the right thing to do, and that taking responsibility for our actions and mistakes is vital, but as the excerpt above says, "apologize once but then stop apologizing.”

It is really hard to do this, though, for me. I don’t know why, and I honestly do not know how it got to be so hard or how “I’m sorry" became the most overused two words in my vocabulary and daily dialogue. What do I actually do that I should be so sorry for?

I know part of it stems from an overarching (and overwhelming) feeling of never being enough/never doing enough. I’m a single-parent, I’m in a relationship, I’m a manager, I’m an employee, I’m a friend, I’m a daughter and a sibling, I’m a writer and well, I’m me somewhere in all of that. It is fucking near impossible to do all of that, and do it well, all of the time - yet I have this pressure (often self-imposed) to excell at all of it, all of the time. So much of my days/nights/in-betweens are filled with this nagging feeling that wherever I am/whomever I’m with I should be with someone else/doing something else and there is this heap of guilt that goes along with all of it.

If I’m with the kids I have the to-do list of my job in my head, if I’m with a friend I have the time-clock of shouldn’t I be with the kids in my head, if I’m with my boyfriend I have the thought of shouldn’t I be with my kids or have I spent enough time with my friends in my head. And it all goes full-circle. If I’m relaxing at home I worry that I haven’t accomplished the laundry-list of say laundry, grocery shopping, bill paying, etc. yet or maybe I haven’t spent enough time with each of my children individually, or I question if I’ve spent enough time in my relationship. And my job? Have I dropped any projects? Is my assistant happy and does he understand what he’s doing? Have I trained him enough? Am I doing my job well enough? Is the client happy? Is my boss happy? And then back to friends, and things like unanswered emails, phone calls, etc.

It never stops.

So, more often than not, I start sentences/emails/phone calls/texts/conversations with “I’m sorry…”

I also often apologize for time I need for me, or for having to say no to plans I’ve made because I can’t keep juggling all the balls in the air. I apologize most often, I think, for saying no and for feeling spread to thin. I am most afraid, I think, of disappointing everyone so before I can I say “I’m sorry”.

I say I’m sorry enough to warrant my own bloody drinking game.

So, how does one make it stop? Or at least reduce in volume?